Archive for May, 2008
Friday, May 30th, 2008
Operation: Meltdown - Rain in Buckets
Jesus Creeping Shit.
Of all the days, it had to be this one. Zeus and God put a bet on it, and someone paid off Loki to fuck me.
Yesterday, around 4p.m., I was terminal. Whatever I had for lunch was fighting on the western front, and no small part of my cranium was threatening to explode violently. I came home in a total delerium, ready to vomit myself unconscious. But the comic.
The comic had to Go Up.
Sweet crap, that was all I needed, was to be on my floor, shitting and puking, while Axe pounded his monitor and cursed my name. Fortunately a long, zombie nap brought me back from the brink; enough time for me to hastily inform Axe that the reaper was hiding in my bathroom, and I would be out of communication for who knows how long.
But Axe is a solid QB, and didn’t need me to run the ball in. The inking got done, the comic went up. The only missing piece were the words that adorn the bottom half of the friggin’ site. I awoke this morning, prepared to gut through my worsening illness and make something up.
And that’s when my windows partition vomited into my mouth, and boot camp told me to fuck myself. Good Times.
I would make my comments about the weather a post script, but I’ve already lined up a delightful quote for that, so let me just say: Fuck Rain. Thank you, and goodnight…
p.s.
“Never trust any technology more complicated than the knife and fork!” - Jubal Harshaw
Monday, May 26th, 2008
Comic Life
Yo peoples.
SO the Axe and Crom comic has finally gone live at www.axeandcrom.com
Check it out…for the love of god PLEASE check it out. The only way I’ll ever get ANY woman to bang me, is if I become a famous writer, with movie deals under my belt. Otherwise I’m just some bald loser with a lot of adjectives at my disposal. Writing the comic and preparing some of the copy materials has taken up a lot of my time when coupled with the completion of the Panda Girls treatment.
TOmorrow I gotta throw it at Axe and see if he likes the Treatment, and if so, do any edits he needs and start on the script. I feel way behind, even though we aren’t really that far behind in the grand scheme. Lucas took 15 years to make the new Indiana Jones…
Maybe he should have waited a little longer.
Oh shit Lucas. I just got you good, Fucker.
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
Dear Telus
Fuck you.
I’m so sick of your stupid shit. Your customer service system is, in a word: Byzantine. Your rate structures are total garbage, and the only redeeming feature you had was not hassling your internet users…which has ended.
But the birds…oh jesus, the birds.
I actually had a friend working at Telus when the original “Stupid Animals” advertising push started, and according to that friend, they had the campaign made for them, and then dropped the company that made it. They’ve done all the updates to it in house. And it shows.
I’ve hated it since day one, but I understood why they ran with it: it appealed to a lot of people. And Telus was a company that desperately needed to appeal to the consumers of the world. At the time, they were viewed as an Evil Empire of corporate shit-heads, who’d weaseled into a service previously run by the government, and were preparing to knife-rape our bank accounts into submission. These clowns needed to dazzle us with bullshit. And dazzle they did.
That was 12 FUCKING YEARS AGO. I’m begging you to stop. You ass-faces are in total control now. Grab the red batphone off the wall, and dial up Johnny CEO and tell him to stop stroking the thigh of a fat korean boy for 10 god damn seconds and approve a new advertising budget. This offends every sensibility I have.
I’ll tell you what, pay me 50 bucks, and I’ll come up with a new campaign for you. IN fact, I have it, here it is…for FREE.
“Telus: We promise to stop fucking your mouths”
DONE.
Thursday, May 8th, 2008
Under the influence
A little while back, or probably more like 3 years ago, somebody asked me who my writing influences were.
At the time I didn’t really have an answer that made any sense. I sort of muttered a number of non-committal things, made a strange and possibly incorrect reference to the works of William Burroughs, and then chugged the rest of my Rye & Coke. I’m not sure if I have a better answer now, but people have asked me again, so the issue is moving to the forefront once again.
When I was 15 I would have told you that I wanted to be Robert Heinlein. BE HIM. Not be LIKE him, I mean scoop his brain out, remove my own, and place it into my meat-shield. I would have been pretty happy with that…well…for like 20 seconds or something. I loved Heinlein. He represented a stream of thought that was so free, and in line with my own hearts desires. He was a writer who had actually thought about the Taboo’s, Laws, Emotions, and Failures of humanity, and had drawn conclusions of his own. He had thought of things that transcended the canalizing effect of apron string knowledge, and try to think in a way reconcilable with logic and compassion.
Sometimes he won, sometimes he lost, but he played the game his own way.
But life is a slow release from ignorance, and the fact is, I’m not Robert Heinlein. And more importantly, if I valued the idea of thinking for myself, and breaking free from the indoctrination I received in my formative years, than my final lesson had to be overcoming those same things from my mentor. The student surpasses.
As I got older, I found myself drawn to a lot of separate sources. In the end, my own twisted mechanism fell in with a writer that many of us aspire to be as crazy as: Hunter S Thompson. So much so, that I found I emulated his writing. For a time I was content to think of the world as a Mechanism that had no respect for the Process. A harsh playground, populated with cold-hearted pimp/bullies, who shook their fists in the air, and bellowed at me for control. A piss filled crevice, lorded over by cheap, fuck-off politico’s with gilded whores on their arms, pumping our wallets to feed their appetites, and leaving the Common Man, raped and worthless on the street corner.
But that was always a little too hardcore. I still feel amazed when I read Thompson. He was a high-powered scientist, with a jeweler’s eye for politics and the theater of life, capable of distilling complexities with precision, while consuming that which was distilled. Those who envy him, often envy the hard line he walked, and assume that to achieve the same Gonzo Power, you need to be as twisted as Hunter was. Sadly, they are wrong, and I’ve mentioned it before. Hunter was a journalist of immense talent, and his daily grind and snort was the past-time that helped him endure his tour of duty in the emotional hurricane of Journalism in the time of Agnew, Nixon, and the Powers That Be.
Now I feel like I’ve actually started to touch my own voice, and it contains within it some of the elements of those mentioned above, and others that have crossed my path. I love reading, and I love to feel the skein’s of thought that authors and ‘wrights take us all on. Writing Panda Girls, and working on the novels I’ve been chewing up for the last few years (Two of them, and they are whores who do not love me), I’m searching now for the joy of writing, and trying not to worry too much about changing anybody’s life.
Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
Under the gun
I’m getting my ass kicked right now, so my updates have been few and far between.
I saw Iron Man with Axe yesterday, good shits. My only complaint is that a lot of comic movies craft the origin part of the story well, and then take a big shit closing the loop on the film. This one was pretty good, but still felt anemic; like they got done filming and realized “Holy shit, there’s only five minutes of the movie where the struggle takes place”. I was happy leaving though, and look forward to another Iron Man (preferably called “Iron Man 2: More Iron, Less Man”.
Oh, Rosenbaum is leaving Smallville, I guess somebody around there finally grew a fucking brain. Run Michael… you run your ass off.