Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
Dear Telus
Fuck you.
I’m so sick of your stupid shit. Your customer service system is, in a word: Byzantine. Your rate structures are total garbage, and the only redeeming feature you had was not hassling your internet users…which has ended.
But the birds…oh jesus, the birds.
I actually had a friend working at Telus when the original “Stupid Animals” advertising push started, and according to that friend, they had the campaign made for them, and then dropped the company that made it. They’ve done all the updates to it in house. And it shows.
I’ve hated it since day one, but I understood why they ran with it: it appealed to a lot of people. And Telus was a company that desperately needed to appeal to the consumers of the world. At the time, they were viewed as an Evil Empire of corporate shit-heads, who’d weaseled into a service previously run by the government, and were preparing to knife-rape our bank accounts into submission. These clowns needed to dazzle us with bullshit. And dazzle they did.
That was 12 FUCKING YEARS AGO. I’m begging you to stop. You ass-faces are in total control now. Grab the red batphone off the wall, and dial up Johnny CEO and tell him to stop stroking the thigh of a fat korean boy for 10 god damn seconds and approve a new advertising budget. This offends every sensibility I have.
I’ll tell you what, pay me 50 bucks, and I’ll come up with a new campaign for you. IN fact, I have it, here it is…for FREE.
“Telus: We promise to stop fucking your mouths”
DONE.
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